Typically, they want to see your levels doubling every 48 hours. Since my levels started at 75 on Thursday, I was hoping for them to be 150 or more on Saturday. So we are right on target.
I find it hard to pinpoint exactly how I'm feeling right now. I think about my due date - June 22nd - and that feels an awful long ways away. I have to make it across all those months and cross a mine field to get there, or so it feels anyway. My history with pregnancies isn't the best and that makes this feel a little shaky. It's like we've set up a house of cards and are holding our breath to see if it stands. And we know how fragile it is, how easily it can topple.
Because of that, there's definitely some nervousness and hesitation. I think about those coming months and just wonder where I'll be, whether we'll still be here in a place of hope or somewhere else entirely. How's my Thanksgiving going to be? My Christmas? My Easter? It's pretty nerve-wracking.
Then again, I've been here so many times that I've gotten pretty good at keeping myself distant and calm. There's some worry, yes. Even some dread at times. But there's hope too. In fact, I find it a lot easier to hope this time around. With all my other pregnancies, I couldn't imagine myself getting to the finish line, couldn't see myself with a pregnant belly or holding a new baby in my arms. Having been down that road, it's easier to envision a positive outcome this time. It's hazy and seems so far away, but I know it could be a reality and not just fantasy.
It's really such a weird and amazing feeling to think of what's happening inside of me. I'm in total awe of the process, and that we all went through it. I look at my hands, my feet, my eyes, and I think of how it all started like this, with a few small cells. Here's a quick little youtube video where you can see these first few stages of growth. Right now, I'm just getting those two sides fused together, the foundations of the spinal cord and the two hemispheres of the brain.
There's still such a long way to go! C'mon, Baby!
I have my first ultrasound on October 29th. We should be able to see the gestational sac at that point, measure it and make sure we're on schedule, and check to see how many are in there. Apparently, my husband is rooting for twins. Seems like I have quite a few people wishing multiples on me. A two-for-one deal would be great, for sure. But it'd scare me to death to take care of two newborns on top of a hyperactive toddler! So there's a part of me that wants twins, but I'd be very happy with one and that's what I'm expecting. I think my levels would be higher if there were twins and I have my doubts about that oblong embryo we put in. I guess we'll see what happens.
We won't be able to see a heartbeat yet, but we should be able to just a week after that, about a week after Halloween. I pray that things continue on, that this baby is strong and can develop as it should. Let's get to that heartbeat stage!
1 comment:
Rooting quietly and respectfully with imaginary pom poms, an imaginary marching band, and a hip hop crew solely dedicated to being your hype team. They may or may not be real and actual... Depends on how you feel about the idea... Come on baby!
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