The Real Trial - It's All About the Money, Money, Money

A lot of you might have seen this picture that's been going around. Of course, I can appreciate it. There's so much work that goes into having a baby, making the miracle happen when you're dealing with infertility and having to fight the odds.

Funny thing is, I consider the shots to be a rather minor sacrifice. Right now, I have two big bruises on my bum from giving myself progesterone shots every day. Yeah, it's kinda lame and sad. But I would give myself a shot three times a day - three times an hour! - if it meant I could make myself a baby.

If we're talking about resources, my physical and emotional resources are nearly unlimited. I am willing to endure any pain and discomfort. I am willing to submit myself to the unknowns - to the negative pregnancy tests, to the miscarriages, and whatever else - in order to have children.

Physically and emotionally, I can be the ultimate punching bag for my children because it's worth it. Gavin is worth it and so are all of my other children. Whatever I have to go through, I'll do it.

We're so blessed to have the medical knowledge that we do, that we've made such great advancements and are able to do in vitro fertilization. Each time a woman does in vitro fertilization, she has about a 30% chance of taking home a baby. Those are actually better odds than your typical fertile couple who have a 20% chance of getting pregnant each month. Imagine that! In vitro fertilization has actually helped level the playing field and gives infertile couples about as good a chance of having a baby as the next person.

But you're only on a level playing field if you have unlimited funds.

That's the big hang up for the whole in vitro process. Yes, it may level the playing field but you've got to be able to fund all those tries. A fertile couple can try again and again, month after month, at essentially no cost to them. Like me, they can submit themselves to the emotional trauma but they don't have to pay for it in dollars. A fertile couple has a negative test. Okay, we'll keep trying. A fertile couple loses a pregnancy. Okay, we'll keep trying. You get the picture.

I lose a pregnancy, and I've got to scrounge up thousands of dollars to give it another shot.

That's where the majority of the devastation comes in because, unlike my emotional and physical resources, my monetary resources are limited. I am willing to try again and again, but I just cannot pull money out of thin air.

Of course, insurance coverage would be a dream. I know it exists out there and some super lucky people get to do this at a discounted cost. But for us, there is no fertility benefit and that's pretty standard across most states. It's kind of a joke, really, how they write the fertility benefit in the insurance policies. (And I've read many insurance policies). They all say the same thing.

"We cover fertility treatments except for the following: Fertility drugs, injectable fertility medications, intrauterine insemination (IUI), in vitro fertilization (IVF), and basically anything and everything to do with helping you get a baby."

Gee, thanks a lot! Glad to see you care so much about me having a family. Thanks for the free birth control, though. That helps a lot!

With no help from our insurance, we had to look into financing. We saw an article that had ideas for financing your fertility treatments. The first option was to get a loan from your parents. We had a good laugh about that. But for some people, that is a real option. In fact, we live in a pretty affluent area and I've heard of plenty of couples with rich parents. So-and-so's dad is a dentist so they were able to try fertility treatments again and again, no sweat.

No, no, I'm not jealous at all. Sure would be handy if only the wealthy had fertility issues, though.

The second option was to take out an equity loan on your home. We had a good laugh at that too. Sorry, I haven't bought a home yet. I'm too busy paying for my fertility treatments! Duh!

Eventually, we decided to get our own loan to finance the treatments. It's a five year loan with a similar monthly payment to buying a decent car. Now, I'm not sure how many car payments you can afford but I know your average middle-class American family has about one or two car payments. That's where we're at right now - two car payments, but only one car.

My pregnancy test is coming up this Saturday, just a few days away, and I can feel that anxiety rising. It's not because I can't handle a negative pregnancy test. It's because a negative pregnancy test means we have to find more money to try again. Even trying with my one embryo in the freezer will cost us another $4000 and that's on top of the $1000 I paid for them to freeze it in the first place! Yes, just that one embryo will cost us $5000. And if that doesn't work, we'll have to find ourselves another $13,000 to try all over again. That's another car payment right there and there's only so many cars we can afford. We're about maxed out as is.

Trust me, a baby is worth all that money. If I had all the money in the world, that's where I would spend it. No doubt. But the financial strain is what causes so much of the anxiety, so much of the devastation.

I hate to be a pessimist, but I'm already trying to work out in my mind how we're going to fund more tries, especially with only one embryo left over. Of course, I'm a full-time mom right now and I may have to start working if we need the money to try again. The problem with that is we will have to buy me a car to get to work! So there's another car payment on our plate. With two car payments, plus two fertility payments, not to mention the childcare payments with me going to work, we'll be pretty bogged down by debt. It's a sad, scary, and stressful situation.

With all that being said, I hope you're all praying hard that things work out for us. I need all the faith and prayers I can get!

And I want to end with a little tribute to my mom. After our first three tries, which all ended in miscarriage, she wanted to help us out with our fourth try. By no means is she a rich woman. She is a single woman living on her own. She works full time and rides her bike to work most days, about 30 miles round trip. She does whatever she can to save money.

For us, she set aside a fertility fund. And what did she do? She worked overtime. Whenever they offered a Saturday to come in and work, she took it. And everything she earned from her overtime, she put into our fund until she reached her goal. She gave us the money and what did we get? Gavin.

My mom told me, "I can't take away the emotional burden, but I can help lift the financial one."

Thank you, Mom.