Five Months - An Egg, an Embryo, a Viable Baby

Today is February 22nd, which puts me exactly four months from my due date. This week, I will be 23 weeks along and my baby will be viable. Granted, his odds wouldn't be so great this early on, but it's a bit of a milestone to think that your baby could make it if things got complicated, that life is possible outside of the womb.

I've been thinking a lot lately about how many unknowns are in our immediate future. It's wonderful that one of our big unknowns has turned into a positive, that this in vitro cycle worked out and I've enjoyed an easy pregnancy. Three years ago, I was dealing with the darkness surrounding my third miscarriage. It's amazing to think how much has changed in just that short of a time, not only that I have a son and a second on the way, but that I'm so far removed from that sorrowful state I was in. In fact, I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life right now and I'm continually thankful for that.

But I've been remembering just how unpredictable life can be. We're all assuming that I will carry this baby full term, that I'll have a more natural experience with birth and recovery than I did with Gavin. But really, there's no guarantee. I'm not here to be a pessimist but I do know that life can throw you curve balls, even when you're hopeful. I look at my belly and wonder if I'll have a scar there someday, whether this baby will be born in May or even April. While my chances for pre-eclampsia are somewhat low at 25%, it could certainly still happen again, perhaps earlier or later than last time. You can never really know how things will progress, or whether any other issues will arise.

I'm still feeling hopeful and confident about the baby. I'd love to make it all the way and have a normal delivery. But I look ahead and realize that it's all an unknown until we get there.

On top of that, we're in the market to buy a home. Finally, after ten years of marriage and nine moves, we'll be buying our first home together. This has been something we've been looking forward to for years and has been outside of our reach for one reason or another. But Nick got a new job here in Utah and that helps us feel more secure in staying for a while. And with another baby on the way, it makes sense to buy instead of rent. We're thrilled at the opportunity to finally settle down, to put in the time to make our home our own, and know we can enjoy it for more than a year! Woohoo!

It will probably look like this.

Or maybe this.

Hey, I can dream, right?

The thing about home buying is it presents another unknown. The market has not been as promising as we hoped, so it may take a few more months to find what's right for us. It'd be nice to have a home before our baby comes, but it may not happen if we can't find what we're looking for. I could be moving all our belongings with an enormous belly or with a brand new baby and neither sound too thrilling. (P.S. After moving so much, I really hate moving). So the timing is a big fat question mark, nor do we know where we'll end up. We're open to a few different cities around the valley. So here I am shopping for a new doctor and a hospital but I have no clue whether that choice will be convenient to my new home or not.

So I don't know where I'll be bringing my baby home to. It could be here in our two-bedroom condo, or it could be our new home, wherever that is. All I know is, it does stink to have a brand new baby at a brand new church. It's more fun to have the support and excitement of everyone you know, or so I would assume anyway. We'd only been in our last ward about a month before we had Gavin, so no one even knew who we were! We'll probably be doing that all over again.

Here we are in limbo land but I'm at a really happy place right now. I've got an adorable baby moving around in my belly and am excited to meet him. Gavin is getting cuter and cuter with his communicating and loves his mommy very much. Nick is as at a new job with some great opportunities to develop his skills and advance his career. I've been working a lot more on my artwork and feel excited about it. And I've made some really good friends here and have enjoyed filling my schedule with visits, games, crafts, and other adventures. In fact, we had a completely impromptu outing and dinner with friends last night, just because we ran into each other in the neighborhood. That's my kinda lifestyle.

Nick and I have our ten year anniversary in a few weeks and we'll be going on a kid-free trip (unless you count the baby, I guess) to San Diego where we honeymooned. We actually haven't been back since and are excited to explore the area and have fun together. After being stuck in this smog-filled valley these last six months, I'm very much looking forward to a change in scenery!

In the meantime, my doctor search is coming to a close. I was able to get in to the Alta View doctor about a week ago and actually liked him a little better than the Riverton doctor. The Alta View doctor was more professional and felt more concerned and caring while the Riverton doctor was more of a guy you'd invite to your BBQ for his laughs and enthusiasm.

But in every other way, Alta View was the lesser of the two options. The facility is older and smaller, felt really cramped, and was not as inviting as Riverton. The office felt like it hadn't been changed since 1985, with old color on the walls and low lighting. Plus the nurse and staff were not as engaging. In fact, the nurse hardly interacted with me at all, a huge contrast to my Riverton experience. So I'm feeling more comfortable moving forward with the Riverton doctor as I enjoyed every bit of my experience there. I just need to see if I can work around their policy of no video at ultrasounds, since I hate to miss out on preserving that experience.

Things are looking up, just a little bit in limbo. But I'm happy for the here and now. Life is treating me well and I'm soaking up all the happiness I can get.