Keeping Things in Perspective

Have you ever heard of opportunity cost? It means that every time you make a choice, you’re giving up the chance to do something else, the chance to benefit from some other course of action. All moms know about opportunity cost because they have to choose how to spend their time when the kids are down for a nap. Do I gain more from taking a nap myself or from getting something done around the house? Whatever you choose, you lose the benefit of the other option. You can catch up on sleep, but the house will still be messy. Or you can have a tidier home, but now you feel extra tired. Nothing is free, including your time, and you have to make those choices and decide which opportunity cost hurts less.

People who do in vitro, we know all about opportunity cost. Last week, I went into our fertility clinic, slapped my checkbook down on the front counter and declared, “I’m here to donate my arm and leg.” I wrote a few checks, swiped my credit card, and spent about $13,000. How much is that even? Well, if we put away $100 a month for our fertility fund, it’d take us about 11 years to get the money needed for one cycle of in vitro. Eleven years!

What is my opportunity cost? Well, I can think of a whole lot of things I could do with $13,000. That’d be a great travel fund right there. We could go to New Zealand, Spain, and maybe even Africa. We’ve never been on a cruise before so maybe we’d give that a try. More than anything, I’ve been really itching to settle down and would sure would love to buy a home. One of these days, we’ll have some savings and be able to put a down payment on a house. We’ve also been a one car family for about two years now, with Nick riding his bike to work, 26 miles roundtrip. That kind of money would make an excellent down payment on a car. We’d probably even have some left over if we wanted to buy used. Really, the list goes on and on. There’s just so much you can do with $13,000.

But that money is going toward making another baby. We hope so anyway. That’s the thing with in vitro. Ya never know what you’re paying for until it’s over and done with.

Still, I can’t help but count my blessings and it’s good to keep things in perspective. Infertility is really taxing and emotional and will bleed you dry, but there is so much we enjoy that many people don’t. We have a steady income. We may not be loaded but I can buy myself a pair of pants and not worry about making it through the month because of my splurge. I can buy good food for my family and afford to make healthy meals. We can afford a gym membership so I can stay in shape. We can afford a little two-bedroom condo. Yes, it’s small. But it’s a nice neighborhood and I feel safe and I love my neighbors. Heck, even the clubhouse and the pool are pretty darn nice! That’s worth a lot, and I’m sure this place a whole lot bigger than many other homes around the world! I have a reliable car and can afford the gas for all my excursions. I can afford to go to lunch with friends every once in a while. I can afford to buy some scrapbook paper or a tube of paint and enjoy my hobbies. I can stay connected with my friends, with the world, and with all kinds of knowledge because I can afford my internet and phone service. Heck, I can turn my water on and make it hot! I can even drink it and not have to worry about getting some horrible sickness from it. All I do is twist a nob! I have these two machines in my house that wash and dry my clothes for me. And how magical is this? If my little boy gets sick, I can take him to excellent medical facilities with very sanitary conditions and know he will be treated with the latest and greatest medical knowledge that is far beyond where we were even fifty years ago! How about the fact that I love my husband and he loves me and we’re really good friends? How about the fact that I have an amazing network of friends and family who support me and make me happy? How about the fact that I have a ridiculously adorable little boy who makes me smile and laugh and is the light of my life!?

Yeah, perspective.

And that’s just scratching the surface. If I really wrote out a full list of blessings, it would HUGE.

There’s always so much to be thankful for, especially here at this place and time we live in. So much! For me, my life is nearly perfect. I just need to twist a few things around to get it there. So, I’m basically pouting because I’m a few twists away from a perfect life when so many people would be dumbfounded at all that I have.

Think of all the women, all throughout time, who had fertility problems and never even had any sort of a chance to do something about it. They just prayed and hoped and waited and that’s all they could do.

It’s all about perspective…

Yes, I’m giving up a lot with that money. And I’m not even sure what I’m getting yet. It’s like I’m standing in front of Door #1, Door #2, and Door #3, and I’ve paid $13,000 just to pick a door and see what’s behind it. And only one door has the prize. It’s a pretty huge opportunity cost, but I have this chance to get another child and nothing can benefit me more than that. Not a home, not a car, and not a trip to Spain or Africa or New Zealand.

Eventually, I’ll pick the right door and it will be worth it. In the meantime, I am happy, I am blessed, and I am ever so grateful for all that I have. Anything beyond that is icing on the cake.